The Burn You Need

In which I get it.

I burned last weekend. A lovely event in the mountains with my extended burn family, all 350 of them or so in a beautiful spot with swimming, incredible nature, and all the other amazing things that make Burns so necessary and special.

Every Burn is different- every one. I’ve never been to one that wasn’t a combination of exhilaration, love, and also immense physical and emotional challenges that mirror and help reset life in the default world.

We arrive to Burns from default world carrying whatever challenges and joys are currently present. While we Burn we have the time to (a) talk about our lives with our extended family, and (b) use the weekend’s rituals to think and process. Burns are cathartic and theraputic, and for me this one was especially so.

I came in from default world with a lot on my shoulders. Wendy and I are moving from one house to another in town, I’m still managing two businesses and dealing constantly with my sister and assorted issues closing the last chapters in my late parent’s lives. There are huge ups and downs in that process and my desire to have that process end has been thwarted more than once. I’ve been frustrated. It hurts.

So I’m dealing with a lot, but I came in expecting to party and rage and celebrate being with family and it didn’t quite turn out that way. We had two people in our small camp bail at the last minute, and Wendy couldn’t come, either. She pinched a nerve in her back and while she didn’t need me home with her, obviously I was minus my love.

So these developments mirrored the situation in defaut world: things not going as planned. I was really sad for the first day, and periods of sadness dropped in all weekend. I had expectations that were shattered.

But I gained something else— a WHOLE LOT of something elses: a chance to spend lots of time with K., a close friend who will be moving soon, and new good friends: W., T., and C. We bonded quite closely. We were honest and joyful, had deep conversations, laughed and hugged each other a lot. I have new friends.

Also my good friends M., J., and C were there and we spent hours sitting around camp talking smack and painting our fingernails at the 24 hour nail salon. They were a joy to be with.

The time alone was priceless. I walked on wooded paths singing redemtion songs. I drew new creatures. My hoop and I were great pals and I jammed a lot. I brought three new Inflatable Oracles and set them up on the main drag and had a blast watching people talk with them. I swam several times. A very nice person wrote me a poem.

I talked with a lot of people about their lives, their hopes and dreams, their trials, their successes. What I discovered was each person has a narrative running in their minds as to what their life is. Their history and temperament inform their opinion of what is to come. Narratives are self-determined, no matter what has happened over a lifetime, good or bad.

Let me repeat: Narratives are self-determined, no matter what has happened over a lifetime, good or bad.

I realized my narrative had been creeping downward for some time, probably due to the stress I’m under. That narrative was: the world is out to get me, it’s bad and harsh, and I have to aggressively defend myself and trust no one.

What I realized over the weekend is that narrative is misguided, and when I realized how misguided it was, I shifted it immediately- within seconds.

The narrative NOW is : The world is a kind and beautiful place, I have all I need, and I have to actively love others and trust things will work out as they should.

Let me repeat- the narrative NOW is: The world is a kind and beautiful place, I have all I need, and I have to actively love others and trust things will work out as they should.

That’s a major shift in thinking. In truth, I know the world is neither good nor bad, it just is; but I also know how I perceive the world determines my overall happiness. So I perceive happiness, joy, and goodness everywhere. The world is out to love me.

I got the Burn I needed.

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